MyWhole30 journey.  This is my story.  I am not a writer, so here are my random thoughts...

...so I guess I've fought this long enough.  I have plenty of reasons why I have not wanted to go to the next step in my fitness progression.  It's so easy to do what I want, work out 2 days a week and continue with my mostly healthy diet and maintain a standard size 8.  It's good enough.  My body is naturally muscular.  My dad nicknamed me Vasily Alexeev, after the Russian wrestler when I was about 3 years old.  I literally bounced when I walked because my legs were so muscular and tight.  I am thankful for that but I've always been leery of lifting heavy because I can bulk up pretty quick.  I think I still bounce when I walk.
Somewhere around 7 or 8, I went from being a normal, fit kid to a fat kid.  Not sure how it happened, my sisters were both normal and we all ate pretty much the same way.  We all were active, played softball and stayed out in the streets till dusk everyday.  Definitely not a couch potato.  But whatever, I guess I have a chubby gene or something.    So finally, when I turned 16, something clicked and I'd had enough of being that fat kid.  A friend got me some Herbalife and aloe juice and I started my transformation.  Between the shakes, drank with water instead of milk and 300 calories per day, 3 workouts a day, I went from a size 13 to a 0.  38 pounds lost in a month and a half.  I guess you can do stupid stuff like that when you're young.  Suddenly everyone noticed me and thought I was "the new girl" in school.  So I know what I'm capable of once I'm ready.

I think I may have a body image problem.  When I first met my husband Joe at the Sports Club Irvine 17 years ago, I worked out 5-6 days a week, ate really healthy, didn't drink any alcohol and was a rock solid size 4.  I never thought I looked very good but in looking back at the pictures, I was in really good shape.  I remember thinking my thighs were just way too muscular.

After 2 little girls and years later, I'm still fairly in control of what I look like.  I'm pretty vain so I don't let myself get too far from my comfort zone of a large size 6 to an 8.  I also don't like to be too normal so if I do something and everybody else starts doing it too, I need to move on.  I think that's why I love CrossFit.  It's enough outside of the normal range to be tough enough that regular folks won't do it.  Since I'm a horrible creature of habit, it forces me to do whatever I'm told rather than mindlessly riding the same life cycle day after day, which left to my own, I would do.  I absolutely thrive on doing what I don't think I'm capable of, that Andrew throws at us.

I've never had any interest in this whole Paleo, Primal, way of eating.  It kind of grosses me out.  I like meat but could easily go without.  I've been within an inch of going veg for a really long time.  Meat on the bone freaks me out.  I LOVE animals.  I don't eat pork and would never eat veal, lamb, rabbit, duck, a hot dog and can barely justify the meat that I do eat.

I have one final excuse for why I don't lift heavy and have fought the Paleo lifestyle for so long.  I have a health issue called polycystic kidneys, liver and spleen.  This basically means my organs are covered with grape like clusters of cysts that continue to grow and regenerate.  One cyst on the lobe of my liver is the size of a tennis ball and lies right on my diaphragm.  This is why I hate burpees (among other reasons).  Every one knocks the wind out of me!  There's no removing these stupid buggers and eventually they will shut down my kidneys, just like they did to my dad and grandma.  When they took my dad's kidneys out, they were the size of 2 footballs.  He was only 42 and I am 44.  My healthier lifestyle has helped.  I'm currently in stage 3 of kidney failure, meaning once I progress to stage 4, I will have to go on a transplant list.  Just a year ago I was only at stage 1 and considered healthy so I have to be careful.  My dad had a kidney transplant that lasted him 20 years which was a record in the transplant world.  So putting this off as long as possible is pretty important for me.  My doctor loves that I take care of myself and stay active but her rules for me are go easy on the protein and don't lift anything heavy!

I'm not sure what it was that pushed me past my hard head and made me ready to take on this Whole30 deal.  I do remember when it happened for me though.  That Saturday morning workout, listening to everyone talk about it, the week before it was supposed to begin.  I told Dez, if I commit and do this thing, I will win.  I won't cheat, I'm 100%.  I may not lift heavy or Rx any of my workouts, but I can completely control what I eat and how physical I am.  I've been at CrossFit for 2 years now and I know it has helped me in many physical and emotional ways but I have not given it my 100%, not even 50%.  So I'm ready.  I don't want to be an average size 8 any more.  I want to look like I'm a cross fitter, not just an attendee.  I want to give 100% and enjoy that adrenaline that each workout gives and makes me want to come back for more the next day.  I want to be strong and fit beyond belief.  So people can see the difference that I feel on the inside.  I'm curious what I am capable of these 28 years after that first transformation.  Gosh, this all sounds so selfish, but, this is the only body I'm ever going to get, so I may as well rock it...